Our desires and motivations seem to be fixed as the base of our personality. But we navigate through a complex ocean of motivations and desires throughout life. Groups have their desires, whether a family, a set of friends, a small town, a culture, a country, or a civilization. Age also seems to have its desires. There are phases of life. Playing with friends as a child is different from a company party or a cruise.
So while someone who desires family will always want to nurture more than their peers of similar age, there is a time in life when nurturing children is essential for the survival of the human race. Throughout life, we get to experience hints of these other desires. Age has a significant impact on our desires and Reiss often describes the 16 desires ‘compared with other people your age’.
So the following is a list of Steven Reiss’ 16 Desires ordered by how I think they manifest throughout an average human life.
Eating (Food, thinking about food, and planning meals) – Babies usually tell you when they are hungry.
Physical Activity (Exercise, Active, Moving) – Keeping up with kids can be challenging for adults. I’ve seen toddlers leave their parents gasping for air.
Tranquility (Preparation, Comfort, Calm) – Safety blankets, plushies, and nightlights. Life as a small child can be scary, and managing those fears requires focus and attention to detail.
Curiosity (Explore, Analyze, Discuss) – Kids ask questions. Lots of questions. The world is big, and there is a lot to figure out.
Social Contact (Friendship, Companions, Group play) – Playing is essential to childhood development; kids often want to play. We even put it as part of their school day with recess.
Acceptance (Attention, Approval, Inclusion) – Getting attention and being included in a group becomes important as groups get larger. Where before you played with anyone in preschool and kindergarten, groups might accept or shun you as you get a little older. If I had to guess, this would feel like early elementary school, first or second grade.
Social Status (Exclusivity, Connection, Reputation) – Gossip, slander, cliques, fashions, clubs, and awards. Having the right brands of clothing, backpack, and, I’m guessing, cell phones these days. In my day, it was the Trapper Keeper. This feels like late elementary school into junior high. I still remember girls in my class planning an elaborate scheme on how to shun a new girl from their table at lunch in elementary school.
Romance (Beauty, Art, Attraction) – Join a band to attract girls, put on some makeup to attract the guys, and go to awkward dances as boys and girls notice each other. When hormones hit, they hit hard.
Vengeance (Compete, Retaliate, Defeat, come from behind) – High school sports, debate clubs, chess clubs, love triangles, honor lists. Athletes are usually young, but how many people still play their high school sports later in life?
Independence (Freedom, Self Reliance, Determination) Leaving home and setting out on your own for the first time. Society puts this at 18 in the united states, where you are legally independent, at least mostly.
Idealism (Belief, sacrifice, Justice, and making things right) Join a cause, protest, and change the world. This feels like the early twenties.
Family (Nurturing, raising offspring) – Time to raise your children and ask the grandparents for tips and tricks to keep these kids alive. Marriage ages vary throughout time, but on average, it is safe to guess the twenties.
Saving (Collecting, Preserving, Valuing) Tough times ahead, better prepare, especially with little ones back home. Maybe it means working through school, living frugally to save for a home, or starting that power tool collection.
Order (Organize, Plan, Clean) – Trim the yard, organize the garage, plan activities, and move a family from place to place. Trips to the hardware store to repair and Ikea to organize.
Power (Domination, Control, Authority) – Power seems to come with time. Look at the age of the leaders in many organizations. If you are outside of Silicon Valley, there is a good chance they have some grey hair.
Honor (Integrity, Loyalty, Trust, Tradition) – Time to look back and preserve everything your generation and family worked for. Traditions should be upheld and passed on to future generations by their elders.
At least, that is my guess for how the desires manifest through age. As I said earlier, this does not change our individual desires. Some toddlers want honor, and there are idealistic senior citizens. And this might be particular to my culture as an American. But I think you can feel the pull of different desires as the years pass and you observe other generations.
Daniel N. Blair 